Closure for the self; My beautiful consequence.

"...I don't really know why I am so angry at you. I look back, and I'm disappointed at you, and mad at myself. Maybe for thinking you could actually help me, for feeling you could protect me, and for believing you were the greatest thing that had happened to me in such a long time.
I didn't really think about it. I couldn't say all you wanted was to feel safe, secure; accepted. Now i realize I knew it, but again didn't accept it. After all, I can't say you didn't love me. You did. And you tried to demonstrate it in a lot of ways, or that's what we believed. Maybe you just made sure to constantly say it, as to convince ourselves it was true. But then I did the same, and I convinced myself that my place was with you, and that you'd make me feel alive.
You didn't use to make anything extraordinary, and I felt I was constantly making little sacrifices. And now I feel stupid. For a sacrifice is the last thing we should have done and yet we both felt we gave everything we had and tried so hard. I began to think that if I could surprise you maybe you'd want to do the same. And now I realize you cared all the same, for your silence told me everything, much better than you would ever do. Your silence told me what we both didn't want to hear; Love has gone.
The thing is, love is not about trying. There was no need to give ourselves completely in. And I remember thinking, this should not be that hard. And the truth is, it shouldn't be hard at all. For now I now there was no real confidence. I knew I wanted to trust you, but then I wasn't completely sure that you were doing the same. So there goes our intimacy, just another ilussion longed for, for such a long time, right from the start. We can put it right next to our hopes and fake dreams in which we said we'd grow together, and learn together, and create.
Yet, the saddest part of all is we didn't really think about being just happy; we thought and talked about many things, except that. We would have been frustrated, for the really important things are not meant to be thought, they are meant to be lived, and that's when it all faded away; that's where everything became a pretty nice ilussion.
Although, I really didn't suffer losing you. I guess since it was a rather gradual process it didn't really hurt as much. Maybe that was the way it was meant to happen, for we never took a fast and safe step, we always thought a lot about everything and would take such a long time to do something.
Now I know for sure there was a part of yourself that you didn't want me to meet at all, and in a way I feel deceived. For I always tried to be really honest with you. I wanted you to get to know me better, or maybe that's what I thought and I was really terrified about you doing it...."

--------------And here is where everything spins around.--------------------

And she realizes she's standing in front of a mirror, feeling/knowing herself to be happier than ever in her life. She's living.